The “vale of Soul-making” is a concept introduced by the poet John Keats, suggesting that the world is a place where souls are developed through experiences of suffering and hardship. Keats proposed this idea to reflect the creative value of life’s challenges in shaping character and hope.
My own experience validates Keats’s concept of the “vale of Soul-making.” Let me explain. By the early seventies I’d graduated from college and effectively changed economic class—the first to do so from my entire clan.
Before college I was profoundly alienated. A blackout alcoholic, petty thief, and underlying my self-destruction was sexual abuse. To change all of that was not simple or easy. It would take ten more years and two suicide attempts to believe I was worthy of life. College had opened doors, but it hadn’t changed my soul—only positive experiences and a deep understanding of who I was could overcome the trauma of my past.
Honest, intelligent friends created positive experiences and therapy developed my understanding. For years I trudged through Keats’s vale of Soul-making.
By 1983, I was ready for real life. I became executive director of Nuva and found a woman who would become my wife. My positive experiences grew exponentially. I discovered my leadership qualities, and for twelve years I grew services for those in need.
In 1995, I left social services. I wanted to reach more people than I had running Nuva. By then, I believed passionately in the liberating potential of art. I believed it was a serious duty to give examples of freedom and character in art.
I had to learn how to write.
For twenty-eight years I struggled with self-expression in words.
In 2023, I published If Pain Could Make Music. It was a watershed moment: I had confronted and exorcised a demon that had held me back all these years: the shame of my sexual abuse.
It is not easy to get through Keats’s “vale of Soul-making,” but IT’S POSSIBLE. This possibility, it turns out, is why I write.
Today, to imagine my books existing in this world, read by others, while I sit safely in my home with Lisa, listening to Ravel, is so far from where I started. I am living in my dream, and ironically, my glory needs no acknowledgement. I feel the glory within.
I have but one goal before I die: To share my vale of Soul-making with as many people as I can. I believe that heroism in modern life is found in the everyday struggles we all have. The modern world is full of challenges and complexities that require a bravery rooted in the ability to navigate the chaos and alienation of our fast-paced, post-industrialized environment.
My novels are about damaged souls who look deeply inside themselves to undo their damage. My heroes honor the resilience and creativity that confronts and changes the alienation that would otherwise destroy them.
My literacy-rich novels deconstruct alienation, that feeling of spiritual apathy or disconnection in a world that has no meaning or divine purpose. My characters have been traumatized into their alienation. I believe economic inequality creates the condition for vast displays of every imaginable kind of trauma. Once a human is shamed by their trauma, they tend to feel impotent, which I have asserted, metaphorically, in my last novel, The Flowers of Trauma, is a similar experience to being interned in an oubliette.
Why oubliette?
Here’s a definition of oubliette.
An oubliette is a type of dungeon or prison cell, typically a small, dark, and often inaccessible space used for holding prisoners. The key feature of an oubliette is that it is designed to be difficult to escape from, with no doors—only a hole in the ceiling or a trapdoor through which the prisoner is dropped. The word comes from the French verb “oublier,” meaning “to forget,” reflecting the idea that the prisoner might be forgotten in such a place, left in isolation without any way to get out.
To me, the oubliette is the metaphoric expression of PTSD.
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is a mental health condition that can develop after experiencing or witnessing a traumatic event. These events may include life-threatening situations, all kinds of abuse, accidents, natural disasters, or the sudden loss of a loved one. PTSD symptoms persist beyond the initial recovery period and can interfere with daily life.
Key Symptoms and a few examples:
Intrusive memories (flashbacks, nightmares)
Avoidance of reminders of the trauma (denial, disassociate, alter personality)
Negative changes in mood or thinking (rage, depression, social withdrawal, self-blame, anxiety, constant fear, persistent sadness)
For diagnosis, symptoms must last over a month and significantly impact functioning. PTSD can develop years after a traumatic event, a phenomenon known as delayed-onset PTSD. This occurs when symptoms emerge six months or more after the trauma, often triggered by additional stressors or new traumatic experiences that exacerbate underlying vulnerabilities.
Delayed PTSD may also result from suppressed emotions or worsening minor symptoms over time. While rare, it highlights the complex ways trauma impacts individuals and underscores the importance of tailored treatment.
I believe there are millions of people in America suffering from PTSD who are undiagnosed and untreated. I also believe, based on my own experience, that an undiagnosed mental illness is self-destructive.
I live in the hope that the not-too-damaged can imagine that there is a way out of their alienation, and that the only savior is ourself. I dream that my fiction will motivate anyone who wants to escape their self-hatred, their lack of self-respect, and their hopelessness—from the shame of their trauma that has embalmed them and given them a false hope in a fake messiah.
In high school, I read Lord Jim and loved it because the main character found redemption: He crawled out of his oubliette of shame. The novel ends with “I am sorry.”
If I reach one person . . . I know, I’m an idealist, but don’t discard me. Don’t dismiss me for dreaming. There is a way out of, for each of us, our oubliette.
Only in true freedom can we make non-self-destructive choices.
